if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
