Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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