I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
