you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
