OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
