OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
