Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
