I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
