hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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