I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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