i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
