You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
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