I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize