Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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