So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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