He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
