somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
