I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
