Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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