You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
