Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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