Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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