hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
