Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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