I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
