We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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