i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
