I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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