so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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