So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
