did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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