i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
