im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
