YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
