uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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