We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
