i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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