JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
