forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
