Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
