I look better un-naked...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
