I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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