Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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