He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
