If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
