There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
