we have pet lesbian snakes
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
