I love black thongs
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
