Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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