i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
