It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
