Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
